Thinking back

You know, before you are sentenced one of two things will happen to you. Either you are one of the lucky one’s who successfully applies for bail or your bail application is nothing but a media farce and is denied . In the South African legal system anything is possible. If you are one of the lucky few to be granted bail you can attend the trial from outside of court. But if you are one of the poor suckers to be denied bail, like me, you will remain in prison .Most Johannesburg suspects are detained in the P-4 wing of Sun City (Diepkloof prison) until your trial in court. If you are squeamish and soft, I guarantee you will NOT survive this experience….Literally. It is during the “awaiting trial-period” that you are fully tested emotionally, physically, financially, morally as well as your family and friends. I cannot comment on what it is like to visit someone in  the Sun City prison out of experience, only on what my family and friends told me - which I take as gospel, remember I’m an actual inmate.  The Gatta’s are useless, racist and try to intimidate visitors with their false power trip. Even visitors are over excessively searched and in some cases for women it borders on sexual harassment. All awaiting trial detainees receive visit in the Fishtank – NO contact visits are allowed which raises the question of “Why the excessive Searching?” Even the visitors are treated as Bandiete; it is tough for visitors in the prison.

For us the suspect/detainees, well it is almost as if you get used to this kind of treatment. All the rights that according to our beloved Constitution you are entitled to…forget it. You get food once a day, you don’t get any exercise, there is hardly any medical service and the conditions are sub-human….period. Anything you want is only possible via Smokkel. Imagine not seeing sunlight for two years….your skin actually becomes translucent, it’s scary to see. Visits are once a week on work day’s only and is for 10 minutes. Legal visits is virtually impossible as around 8000 detainees have to share three consulting rooms, it’s just a complete nightmare. On an average you will fight roughly every second week, but like I said it is as if you become totally used to this kind of life….it even seems normal after a while. My advice to all of you who might end up in this situation one day – stand your ground, stick to your convictions and don’t take shit. More than that I can’t say – I’m not the one who will fight your battles. Not only do you have to fight in prison, you must fight the legal system during your trial in court, the media and at times your legal team. The routine in terms to get to court is appalling, especially if you have a trial ranging from one week to three months. You are woken up between 3-4 am in the morning and taken down to the court cells. All the detainees of all the various courts in Johannesburg are taken down to the reception area. It is noisy, very dirty and extremely crowded. Food is a scarcity and everybody is divided according to the court they attend into cages – YES, cages. So, everyone attending High Court will end up in a cage together, Protea court in one cage, Yeoville in another and so forth with Brixton, Wynberg, Randburg, Roodepoort, Jhb-Central, Krugersdorp etc all having their own cage.

From there everybody is processed and squeezed into a Gomba like sardines, this whole process is finished around 7:30 am and is tiring being on your feet all this time. Then we are taken through the traffic in the Gomba’s to the various courts and most of the drivers are trying to break the land speed record – with no regard for safety. Government officials think they are above the law and can do as they please. If you arrive at court with no incident you are a lucky man indeed. Many times I’ve witnessed fist fights in the back of the Gomba whilst being transported. It gets ugly in there. Anyway at court you are taken to a holding cell and at the correct time you are escorted to the relevant courtroom for your trial.  After your day in court facing the State prosecutor and bias media looking for sensation rather than fact, you are escorted back to the waiting cell and from there to the Gomba for the risky trip back to prison. Depending which court you attend you arrive back at Sun City between 17:30 and 19:00. Now one by one everybody is processed back into the prison and placed into the cages once again. Here you wait until the last Gomba returns and group by group you are taken back to your sections at around 21:30, sometimes even as late as 23:00. Then the routine starts the next day again between 3-4am.

 NOTE: I didn’t mention food as you don’t get any during the day, unless your loved one’s bribe a Gatta at court to buy you some food. To think I followed this routine for nearly three months every day while still trying to argue with my so-called lawyer and having to deal with the condemning media. I didn’t stand a chance! I failed myself, my family, my friends and now I’m stuck in  this shithole due to my own failures……or is it?

I thought so until now. I will fight this system…this system that only favours the rich, famous and politically correct. I will reveal the corruption of the SAP members, court officials And the rest of the corrupt faces in the system. My appeal will go in and I believe I will succeed. I’m saying this so you don’t think I’ve given up hope for the future and a normal life. In a way writing all this is therapeutic. I just don’t know how long my struggle will take…….again it’s all the uncertainty all over again.

Back to my life as a sentenced inmate, I’ve given you the gist of Sun City and currently I’m in Zonderwater. Well I’m going to reveal some other prisons and their conditions to you as I heard it via radio bandiet…

Modder Bee prison:    Corrupt as hell and gangsterism is 99% part of the prison. You don’t get any State supplied toiletries and your loved one’s must bring those items to you. You receive one hour exercise a day and the food is crap but enough. Postal service is non-existent. Sounds like a Shithole and is a definite NO GO.

Boksburg:                        Situated virtually in the nearby squatter camp. It is very dirty from the outside and lice infested… gangsterism is prominent, but not dominant. There are workshops to better yourself and apparently you are open from 6am-6pm. Sporting activities do exist and it sounds like a good prison…its just very dirty all over but the visitor’s facilities are good…

Krugersdorp:                  Exactly like Sun City except for the location… not for the squeamish and soft hearted. Avoid if possible folks!

Pretoria Central:           Overcrowded, nice gym but lice infested, dirty and it’s a case of how much money you have will determine how you live and are treated…  reasonable for visitor.

Baviaanspoort:              In all aspects resembles Zonderwater and is a farm type prison. Smokkel is hard but in general it is a good prison with fair visiting facilities…

Groenpunt:                     Gangsters paradise and not for human beings…

ODI:                                  A real Shithole in Hammanskraal, enough said!

C-Max:                             You have no rights, you aren’t even human if you are unlucky enough to be there. You are beaten shitless by the Gatta’s upon entry and don’t even see another inmate… this is a super maximum prison. Being transferred there is a bad career move…

Today I took you through some hard experiences and I told you what it is like in the pre-sentence

phase of suspects. Next week I will be back with the usual. Be good or be good at

it...Yada...Yada...Yada.

Quote of the week: “In life some day’s you’re the dog…some days you’re the hydrant.”

Immenent Change

Understand this clearly, every prison is different from the next… the culture, atmosphere and code in terms of how it is run. It is this multitude of prison cultures coming together in one prison where things start to either improve or get worse… Generally you find a city prison and then there are the farm-prisons. Take Sun City for example, it is located in Naturena and practically in the local township of Soweto. (South western townships) Now in these kind of prisons a thing we call “Wetslaan” occurs 24hour a day. Fights, stabbing and other forms of violence are common and one becomes so used to it that it becomes part of our every day life. Smokkel and other forms of corruption is practically invented in these types of prisons, which is why it is sometimes referred to as the University of Criminology. In certain instances you may even find the authorities being members of a specific gang, like Mr T. in Sun City… Also the mindset of inmates is very different from those in farm prisons.

In farm prisons such as Zonderwater, the set-up is totally different. It is rare that any Gatta could involve them-selves in gangsterism. In general things are a little more laid back, however the problem arrises when there is an influx of city prison inmates … I can only describe it as upsetting the equilibrium, and this bring about change…

Whilst playing a rugby match this week, there was a brawl so violent between some player and opposing gang members that sport has been suspended till further notice. It sucks but there is nothing we can do about it. It just goes to show how the actions of one or a small minority could influence the lives of many…

I heard a rumour via radio bandiet that the Area Commissioner is planning a Drama- showpiece of the play Stone Cold Jug, by Herman Charles Bosman… It is said that inmates will star in this play and he wants the play open to the public here in prison. It’s all part of his rehabilitation vision with the Grow 4 Life project. How all this is going to work is a mystery. Anyway like I said I heard about it from an inmate Martin “Thank the Lord” . Yes, that actually is his true second name. I must confess that I am actually a little exited about the play, providing it is true of corse…

Another issue that I personally struggle to come to terms with is the damn TV’s in the cells. It is always played at full volume and 90% of the time it is on some Kak SABC1 program in an indigenous language with local dramas with no real story line and real bad actors… why is everyone so concerned to cater for the masses? Have you watched and thing on SABC1 lately??? My view is it is because of the masses that the country is in such a state, but hey my opinion is only my opinion and it is small things like this TV-issue that is starting to frustrate me these days. The same type of incompetence that we find in the city prison Gatta is starting to emerge in farm Gatta’s…  Worrying, very worrying…

It is because of my pent-up frustration that one evening I lost my temper in the cell and revealed my suppressed violent side to some wanna-be clever previously disadvantaged shack dweller… I can’t understand this about the Caucasian male is SA. It is that they can’t speak up for themselves. Everybody will always have a complaint, opinion or issue about the same thing with a thousand solutions- but nobody wants to actually do anything about it. Like they are afraid… well I just decided stuff that! NO more! I rebelled about the issue of the irritating TV, lack of cultural representation and the deafening volume. Most of the “masses” just stood there with wide eyes except one skinny smart-ass who tried to get clever… He pointed his finger directly at my face trying to impress his buddies. I punched him so hard that he actually was out-cold for about 5 minutes. The moment I punched him and he fell, I started regretting my actions… The possibility of isolation again...

This morning the assault case that this twat opened against me got ruled in my favour and it was ruled by the CMC that I was provoked into reacting the way I did. This meant that I did not have to go to the bom. I kind of feel on a high and to celebrate this victory Riaan and Boela organized some Mbamba for us ….

As the prison is gradually changing, so is my soberness and I’m expecting one hell of a hang-over tomorrow… AWÉ!

Ponder on this:  “The Meter is the length equal to 1650763.73 wavelengths of the orange line in the spectrum of an internationally specified Krypton ₈₆ discharge lamp…”

A Few New Faces

The only thing consistent in prison is the fact that it continually changes… people come and go, systems are upgraded to less efficient systems with more loopholes and very view officials are actually interested in what they are doing, but then again it aint no dream job…

A lot of new events take place over the next couple of days: a couple of rugby matches and even a soccer mach between Mlunghu’s and Darkies, then there’s a few beatings amongst inmates and a new rehabilitation program…

A couple of new inmates arrive from Pretoria Central Prison. First up we have another guy called Jan (the professor) a tall skinny Mallala-pipes and a true wack job… this character allegedly picked up a gentleman looking for sexual favours in return for payment. Rumour has it that when it came down to actually doing the monkey dance… poor professor opted rather to kill this horny faggot and rob him of his possessions… if any of this is true, I don’t know cause Jan is actually an intelligent guy… it’s just that he loves to overcomplicate things and always tries to be the smartest person in the room, which in prison is not hard to be, but he has an opinion about everything and sometimes speaks the biggest load of crap, especially about I.T. … I do however love to prove him wrong and the expression on his face is usually priceless when he realizes he made an ass of himself…

Next up we have Piet (Pangelang). This is truly one crazy mother but to his friends he is the coolest pipe-smoking dude… I will refer to him more in future and so far I cant diss this man. He may be a little nutty, but remains a damn sweet bloke. (He is in for robbery after being on the run for 9 years… and mostly just a little misunderstood…)

Then I meet Pimp – Jannie Biceps, one of the biggest squealers you may ever meet… yes he is pretty big with arms at around 21’’, but a true dumb-ass… this guy actually lied himself into prison during his trail instead of telling the truth and maybe just receiving  a slap on the wrist…

If there are two things I cannot handle its Pimps and pre-Madonnas. Poor old Jannie is both, but hey it’s only my opinion and I’m sure his mommy loves him cause around here no one can stand this idiot and we soon drew the line… Stupid, backstabbing, two timing ugly, numb nuts are all choice phrases that come to mind.

Another youngster named Marius also makes his debut in prison. He’s still young and a sportsman for life… literally- as that is his sentence…  Apparently he played fullback for Centurion rugby club… any way I’ll put that statement to the test soon enough. He reminds me a little of Johnny Bravo…

All the Mlunghu’s live in one cell and there’s a lot of dislike, distrust and sarcasm in the rounds… Change is inevitable and as inmates try in conjunction with two Gatta’s, the head of prison and our unit manager come up with a sustainable rehab program. The aim is to educate previously disadvantaged people in our prison with basic skills such as farming and woodwork. We start off on a small scale in our unit and this is how the Grow for Life project came about. It is also the first time I see true rehabilitation and change of habits amongst inmates. It is not long before the project is implemented in other units as well…

Look, before you complain that I’m inly discussing people, I will tell you about the skut we had to go through last night. Yes, searches happen regularly and it is definitely not pleasant. You have to remember one thing, as an inmate you can be search at any time and as many times as the Gatta’s feel like… However, every now and then we are surprised be an evening search… the norm being that after lockup in the afternoon you do not see any Gatta’s until folla the next morning, and inmates are left to their own devices… Thus an evening skut usually catches inmates off guard and most illegal items are found. It just came as a loud clack-clack as the door was suddenly swung open and then another clack-clack and the security gate swings against the toilet wall. The Gatta’s came storming in, loads of them with tracksuits and others in uniform. Next to every bunk bed stands two of them and we are instructed to take all our movables outside. I take my own bag, pillow and mattress, but all our Isinyonga’s are confiscated.  Outside we are stripped searched. I still don’t know why he had to pat down my legs, as I’m clinging to the wall bare assed??? It just confirms what I said previously about their logic… After my physical the Boer moves to my bag where he diligently goes through everything and moves on to my mattress then he ripped my pillow apart. (The f**ken asshole) I hear a lot of commotion and complaints all around me, but it is Johan who catches my eye as he is falling backwards after being punched by a Gatta. Suddenly all the attention is on him and its clear what happened. In his hand I see a prison made steel knife… What his intentions were, I’m not sure, but fortunately the Gatta didn’t take any chances… there is a saying that goes something like this: “when the emotions go up, intellect goes down…” it must be what happened with Johan. Poor fella is currently in isolation, better known as the bom…

I was escorted back to the cell with the asshole who ripped my pillow apart short on my heels heading for my locker. After unlocking it I leave him to go through my stuff to his hearts content…  first the photo album, then the bible, the letters and then the writing pad… then the little bag with chalk used for grip in the gym, the asshole actually licked his finger and tasted some of the white powder… well I did tell him its only gym chalk, but hey- I’m just a prisoner-  To say that he didn’t like the taste would be an understatement and I feel it’s just a little justice for my pillow…  did he really think he just found the mother load and a promotion or what???

We headed out of the cell again and I had to wait with the rest of the guys who finished their search-sessions. This time I didn’t lose anything but a pillow and we are given permission to retrieve our other belongings from the grass and struggle back inside. The next few hours are spent reorganising our lives, putting things back together and tiding up our cell… I race to finish and I’m off to the shower again and then to bed.

I slept like the dead… I guess we all did after that sudden unexpected change in routine. I wonder what surprises tomorrow will bring???

Quote of the week: “A mans creed: life is all about ASS… you’re either covering it..Kicking it… kissing it… busting it… laughing it off or just trying to get a piece of it.”

What inmates are like

You know … most inmates are nothing but a bunch of sissies! Holey hell, I am so sick of these so called mean serial killers, robber’s rapists and their cowardice… Sometimes they remind me of little children. How is it possible for a fully grown man at age33 weighing 100kg and the self-proclaimed hit-man to run to the Gatta’s for protection when someone raises their voice? This  happens quite often… others love pulling pranks on people, but can’t handle it when it comes their way…  Wow, that amazes me…

Wimpie, our resident tattoo artist is such a case. He claims to be a hit-man, this because he got paid to bump off some old lady's hubby… so this clown gets his china to assist him and then promptly ran away when his china stabbed the old man… Rumour has it that the old guy put up such a fight that Wimpie ran, leaving his mate to do the job… Now he tries so hard to appear a tough guy that he reminds me of a white Martin Lawrence. He strikes me as someone who would try to take over a town on a 125cc motorcycle, just as long as his mate is with him in the side cart…

Most inmates are actually very insecure about themselves. Typically all bark and no bite, as the saying goes. When you combine a chip on the shoulder with this fake bravado, you could get a glimpse of what I have to live with every day. I hate this prison, everyone always trying to bullshit each other!!!

Getting back to what I said in my previous postings, playing the two timing- back stabbing- manipulating game… man I got my revenge and some for being used as a scapegoat. As I mentioned I was the prime suspect in Jan’s shoe-turd saga, after our demonstration of displeasure towards each other, but I was truly innocent of this charge… throughout the day I had various conversations with different inmates regarding a variety of topics, trying to fish a little… the one point that dawned on me was of an incident between Louis and Jan. Apparently Jan ripped him off in a deal with some weed and Louis did not take to kindly to that. He is not an aggressive person and tends to avoid violence in prison. This incident between the two of them got me thinking that he might be the real culprit… the more I thought about it the surer I was that it had to be him!  But what can I do about it? I noticed that Louis always walked barefoot in the cell, tends to lean against things and makes his own food… that’s about it…

I came up with this brilliant plan to turn Louis bed into a gigantic bomb. (Like the one I saw in Sun City used for boiling water) I figured this combined with Louis sitting on his bed with his characteristic bare feet should prove interesting. So the next morning I faked an upset stomach so I could sit out the daily touch rugby session, in order to be alone in the cell… I stripped an old radio transformer for the thin copper wire and attached two ends to the bed at opposite sides. The other ends I secured to a 3 point plug in the wall. This is a grand scale bomb that I’m sure the dudes in Sun city would be proud of… the Isinyonga’s  are not in sight and I can only wait in anticipation for my master plan to come to glory…

After the daily touch rugby everyone has their showers and is off to their beds to make some coffee. Today was no different and an extremely feminine loud voice screaming “JEEEEEZussss” came from Louis as he received a 230 volt jerk… we all looked toward the origin of the scream in utter fascination and see Louis in a half sitting- half standing position trying to release his bed amidst his electrical woes… I burst out laughing and can hardly contain myself. I’m so pleased my plan worked and Louis instantly recognizes what happened and why! All he says is “well done, you got me.” That was the start of the tit-for-tat I came to love so much in D-unit. Even Jan “Droopy Dog” smiled and appreciated my handy work, realizing I wasn’t the turd master…

It wasn’t long before the Gatta’s in Delta came to know me as someone who loves humour. In prison people cope with their situations in various ways like drugs etc. my preferred tool used is humour and training in the gym.

It is difficult to smuggle anything here in Zonderwater. There is only a handful of Gatta’s willing to risk suspension by bringing in a bol of zol. Cell phones, Rocks and other mainstream drugs are extremely rare. In a prison like this the Bloubaaitjie came up with an alternative. They would request to see a psychiatrist and during the evaluation mention things like lack of sleep, depression and seeing the faces of their victims. All in an attempt to obtain prescription drugs like Rochѐ, Triptonal and Lepponex. This would be crushed and smoked with a Ten or cigarettes. It is an ingenious way of obtaining schedule 6 drugs, and some of them actually change their prescriptions for other items they may need and boast about the prison paying them the value of 9 or 10 packs of Stuyvesant per month…

To be frank, the medical attention and service in this place is atrocious, which explains why the Skelm of seeing the psychiatrist goes by unnoticed so often. It’s often quicker to pay for flu medication than to see the nurse or doctor, and if you get a tooth ache you’re in serious trouble…

It is quite scary though to think how you, the hardworking honest taxpayer is paying for drugs used by inmates to get high on. Supplied by doctors who don’t give a hoot and Gatta’s supposed to be working but instead are sleeping or toy-toying for more money.

Quote of the week: “This country is changing, people are taking comedians seriously and politicians as a joke…”

I feel like Paulie Shore

Well, Zonderwater certainly is not your typical prison. It is built in a circular shape, with a cross dividing it in four quarters or sections, with a tall watch tower it the centre. I’m sure it must be a weird sight on www.GoogleEarth.com. Anyway, there is an internal and big external sports fields, birdcages and workshops… Everybody here is so friendly and that makes me unsure… this is also the first time I see female warders inside the prison, working amongst the convicts. It becomes evident that this place was designed for inmates doing long sentences…

I’m booked to stay in B-unit, which is the unit all the workers live. A-unit is the admission unit, C-unit is where all the scum live and D-unit has a school. It all feels quite overwhelming looking at all the grass in Bravo unit. This really doesn’t feel like prison, somehow it has calmness about it. My first contact with an inmate is with Boela, he is short with red hair and no front teeth. His first question to me is “do you play rugby?” this done with almost puppy eyes. I reply “yes, I do” and then what I could only describe as an avalanche of questions followed. Anyway Boela is satisfied with all my answers and immediately spreads the word of a new player on the scene. Boela is serving 28 years, 20 for murder and 8 for burning the corpses…Next up is Martiens a wiry thin and tall man comes walking up to me with another oke called Deon and both tell me they are also rugby players. Martiens is serving 30 years for shooting-up a garage and some petrol attendants and Deon is serving 40 years for killing his wife… the thing about this prison that strikes me the most, is the almost non-existent gangster signs … I’m booked into my Cell and spend the next couple of hours exploring my new unit.

A bell rings which I learn indicates lock-up and everybody Folla outside their cells. The cell are built for 17 inmates but is occupied by 36. Anyway, it isn’t too overcrowded compared to the 70 – 110 inmates per cell I was used to. There is a TV in the cell, warm water and the toilets have chest hight doors that can close for the illusion of privacy, the shower has a prison sheet for a curtain which I think is a nice touch… Nice… It is almost humane. I fell asleep early due to all the excitement of the day and all the fresh air in this place. Cullinan being a farm town and this almost a self-sustaining prison. I feel like Polly shore in Son-in-law…

The following day I’m called to see the CMC of the prison where a lot of things about the prison is explained. This prison does not tolerate any form of gangsterism. The Gatta’s will not only beat the shit out of you, but also send you to another prison if they just suspect you of involvement with such things. Criteria for the workshops is explained, my sentence plan as well as my expected behaviour… All this is done very professionally and I wonder how realistic their expectations are. The head of prison Mr Mkwanazi introduces himself and I can’t help thinking that everything in this prison is to mellow, which baffles me. Once that compulsory meeting was over I’m told to leave and enjoy the rest of my day. What the fuck??? Again it feels unreal.

On my way back to B-unit I decide to take a stroll in D-unit where the library, a school and a gym is located. I instantly prefer D to B-unit. Obviously radio bandiet reaches all the inmates there and I’m soon introduced to all the who’s who in this section. It’s during these conversations that I hear about the big rugby rivalry between D and B-unit. I meet Riaan, and ex Blue Bull eight man, Chad, the chairman of the rugby committee and Glen, a very energetic individual. All pleasant guys judging by first impressions. Riaan invites me to gym in his group and subtly tells me how he’s gonna test me in the scheduled rugby sevens tournament next week…

Okay, I’m unfit and haven’t played for some time but I’m up far a challenge. Boela comes into D-unit and from a distance I hear him swearing and cursing to the opposition to stop trying to poach his player… Everyone laughs… it’s been ages since I laughed… we head back to B-unit and Boela informs me about training for the sevens tournament on Monday…

Around two ‘o clock we go to pagga in the scully and we are served chicken, pap, cabbage and beetroot. After pagga I can make a call to my folks and tell them about this prison and that I’m ok… My visit is scheduled for the weekend and I look forward to it. I’m still a B-group prisoner which means I don’t have contact visits yet and have to see my people in the Fishtank…

Believe me, there is just something about seeing your parents that lifts your spirit. The visit procedure in this prison is simple, the facilities clean and I really enjoyed it. I actually feel a little emotional and ashamed whilst sitting there before my mom and dad in the orange prison clothes… I feel so ashamed of myself and sorry for everything I am putting them through, but I try not to show it. Our 45minutes fly by and its time to face reality, back to PRISON…

On my way back from visit I bump into an inmate who appears so stupid that looking into his eyes I feel as if I can almost see the back of his head. His name is Skollie. He is tattooed all over except for his face and hands. He swears while walking away and I hear something about showing me in the game tomorrow… it is at this point that I realize all issues are solved on the field…

The game of rugby was very brutal. C and A-unit played their game first and C won 17/13… the interest in this sport amazes me! There are many Gatta’s beside the field behaving as if it were their 10year old son’s first game… Side betting in on and Delta is tipped to lose to Bravo 2 to 1…

The mach starts with yours truly kicking off and we’re defending. It is tough but I make a couple of classic tackles and try not to over exert myself due to fitness reasons… Suddenly we get a turn over ball and by some miracle I receive the ball and score a try. Everyone is impressed, I tell myself this is easy. Big mistake!!! Kick-off and Riaan receives the ball, he runs like a bulldozer straight at me. All I can think of is this ex pro coming right at me. So I do what every self respecting player would do, I go low and hard… Riaan is around 6’4 and 112kg’s, and I feel it!!! Every bone in my body rattles from the impact and I barely manage to get a hold of a place on his frame. Somehow he stumbles and we both go down to the ground. A ruck forms and delta has an overlap on the blind side and scores… the whistle blows and the game is over. For some reason I am the focus of attention and Riaan is smiling at me. I learnt that since he came to Zonderwater nobody has been able to tackle this behemoth of a man alone, which means his team always had an advantage… Everyone seems to think I’m the defence answer to Riaan. I definitely don’t agree, but for now I’ll let them think that.

                 I also realised something else, a lot of these guys claim to be superstars, but can barely catch the ball… Typical prison talk! Skollie proved such a case indeed and was hardly seen during the game. While I’m struggling to come to terms with the different prisons, I’m left confused. Some of the inmate’s in this place actually seem normal, but not all of them. In my next update I’ll tell you about the history of some of the guys… Meanwhile the Delta-unit rugby team is trying their best to move me into the student section.

Quote of the week: “Never do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedics          later..”

The New Crowd

So far so good. Listen up, life behind bars is by no means easy--- not by a long shot! Anyway who says prison is like a five star hotel should have his/ her head examined. It is hard, emotionally very lonely, physically demanding and for some reason all inmates inevitably end up with a chip on their shoulder towards someone. The funny thing is that behind all the friendliness or hostility there are traces of slyness… Most of the inmates are quite skilled to con and subtly get out of a prison deal, then some also carry around an attitude of – you owe me-. It’s actually quite kak here. Take my word for it! Prison sucks! For the record, all those movies that you see on TV, are not at all what South African prisons are like! All those myths about showers and soap are totally nonsense. Yes, some prison rapes do occur but it’s extremely rare in my experience and most cares happen between members of the 28’s. The consensus is that if you want to get raped, you probably will be… (No one drops the soap anymore; they might sprinkle some washing powder and make you pick up the granules…)

I am eventually moved to D-unit thanks to Chad operating effectively as liaison between the different rugby teams. Mr Kühn, one of the most honourable Gatta’s I’ve ever encountered is my new unit manager. This guy, although fair and open-minded is not someone you would want to face on a bad day. Violence comes quickly if you’re a smart-ass and piss him off. I learn a little more about my team mates…

Riaan is actually a gentle giant. He is in prison for defending his property from poachers. Unfortunately the poacher got more that he could handle and passed on… Now I’m not saying murder is right, but poachers carry guns and they go out to kill. So, I do sympathise with Riaan and think he got the short end of the stick… It’s only in SA that self-defence is made a political issue. It’s amazing how many murderers of white farmers are in prison… But one Mlunghu kills a darkie and all hell breaks loose. Politically it’s a shame… it’s true what they say about England being run by a king and called a kingdom…

Chad, he is in for multiple hi-jacks and attempted murder. In all a very decent guy believe it or not, he just went off the rails… then there are a number of political prisoners… Black and white which I currently cannot name as they are waiting for a pardon from our president.

Glen is a 24 year old young man, overly energetic and is serving time for killing a woman who owed him drug money… enough said about this man. He is a little crazy in my opinion and needs some rattling.

Jean is another clown who we nicknamed “Prince of Pretoria”. This idiot thinks he is the cream in the milk and lies so often that even I caught him out about which year he passed matric… In one day he gave me three different dates… what an asshole, it turns out he actually wrote it here in Zonderwater…  This guy who walks like a duck stole a car unknowing which had a caravan attached to it with an elderly couple inside… can you picture it?

Louis, is the joker of D-unit. An ex-policeman who got a life sentence for murder and another life for robbing a car. Go figure that one out, I can't – but its true. Our justice system never ceases to amaze me…

Slabs, now this Bloubaaitjie is old school. He spent the last 21 years in prison and actually requested the prison to bake him a cake for this milestone (he got it too). Exactly why he is in prison remains a mystery,(usually when guys don’t talk about their crimes, they are paedophiles...) but he picked up so many internal charges that his release is not an option anymore…

Skollie and his girlfriend apparently shot a preacher, why … he felt like it…

Joey is a Bushy from a Pretoria suburb and was king of that town until he shot the wrong guy and got caught red-handed…

Larry is the librarian, an old man of 62, in for molesting a young girl. a Sick f***r and I wont say any thing more about him…

Corrie and Giel are friends and enemies, depending on the time of the month. Both these old farts are compulsive complainers and they live in the same cell, they always fight about trivial things… They remind me of those guys in the movie “Life”- starring Eddie Murphy…

So these are a couple of guys in Delta unit. We all share the same cell and quickly found out that too many Gamla’s in one cell is a recipe for disaster… 

Jan, who has the lower bunk of our double bunk, keeps complaining every time I get in and out of bed. He says I rock the bed too much… haw much is too much? So I deliberately shake the bed so hard that my teeth actually rattle… Nobody likes this man’s attitude and he reminds me of Droopy the dog…  The next morning he woke up and found a turd in his shoe… (It wasn’t me- promise!) Apparently someone sized the opportunity to pay him back for some unresolved issues… the culprit – unknown, suspect – Me… As my fellow inmates will soon find out – I can also play this manipulating game…

I’ll close with this quote:

Quote of the week: “No matter where you are in the world, there is never a shortage of idiots!”

The Shitty Transfer

I woke up this morning around 4am. Most of my meagre possessions packed in a sports bag.  I’m lying on my bunk wondering what could be waiting for me at this new prison called Zonder Water. I wonder if I will ever have control over my future again… at this point in time it feels as if Correctional Services has all the control over me and it is very frustrating, especially considering that they dictate things I do not want to do…   I used to think of prison guards as low class cretins. I’ll tell you something: in my opinion the majority are – but I’m also sure there are honest hardworking men & woman in the Department…

I hear keys, my door rattles and oh- fuck… JB is the Boer who came to collect and escort me to the reception area for my transfer. We never did get along since the day he busted my ass upon admission to prison. He just smiles…

Down at the reception area there are fifty inmates waiting for the transfer and being processed. Processed, meaning having a pair of short-step chain secured around your ankles and then a longer chain that joins everybody together attached to it… this makes it quite difficult, especially if the idiot who secured the shot-steps made them too tight! Once we’re all lined up like cattle ready for slaughter we are escorted out of the building to the Gomba. For a brief moment I get some fresh-air… unpolluted by prison stink, until the Gomba’s door shuts. Picture this scene, with short-steps one can hardly walk without falling over. Now we are fifty inmates chain-linked… battling to move synchronized and caring our bags, boxes, radios and what ever else we own, I’m sure it resembles a Youth League rally except for the chains off corse…   

The Gomba is just a truck with converted shell to carry inmates. It is silver in colour and resembles a giant breadbin. To get into this monstrosity, one has to negotiate a step up literally six inches higher that you can separate our feet from each other that makes for an interesting entrance. Once everyone literally fell into place, the door slams closed and you could hear a padlock being secured. I realize something…” I need to crap!” a problem of uncomfortable proportions!

The drive towards our new home away from home, starts north in the direction of Pretoria, we can’t see out of the Gomba and could only guess what the world outside prison looks like by now. It’s about 15minutes into our journey end I really have to go… I am in real pain, what to do, what to do??? I try to wait it out and keep my insides from overflowing… to make a long and potentially gross story a little shorter, I had to take a dump in a plastic bag- while being chained to 49 other inmates- this in a windowless truck whilst being transferred. You didn’t think that the Boere would actually stop next to the road or at the ultra city or let me take a dump in the daisies, did you? Trust me, you did not want to be there… I had to hold on to this bag for about another hour and a half until we reached our new holiday camp. That’s what I call a shitty transfer!

Finally! We slow down, there are some wild turns, a couple of nasty speed bumps and some more turns and then we stop. Some time later the door is finally opened and we are told to get out. This is a reverse process of the near catastrophic climb in, except now I am also caring a bag of shit. I stumble, but regain my footing, at the expense of some skin being grinded off my ankles… safe at last and fresh air…

Zonderwater… cool! Doesn’t look like your typical prison. It actually reminds me of a boarding school to be honest. But for now, where is the nearest dumpster? I can’t find it and decided to deposit my precious load back into the Gomba whilst no one was looking. Sorry, I wasn’t raised that way, it’s just I thought it to be the right thing at the time to do…!!! If all goes according to plan I will tell you about this new prison and the momo’s in it in my next update. Adios.

Quote of the week: “If most people said what’s on their minds, they would be speechless…”